Conscious Parenting with Dr. Shefali Tsabary

[00:00:00] Tracy Anderson: Hi, I'm Tracy Anderson and welcome to The Longevity Game, a podcast where we connect with some of the most accomplished people on earth to learn how to live long, healthy, and fulfilled lives. Today, we are honored to be joined by Dr. Shefali, an expert in family dynamics and personal development. I interviewed Dr. Shefali many years ago, and I'm so happy to check in with her again. Dr. Shefali received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Columbia University, and she specializes in the integration of Western psychology and Eastern philosophy. She has written many books, three of which are New York Times bestsellers, including her two landmark books, The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family. Thank you for being here, Dr. Shefali. You are one of my favorite motivators of our time, really. I don't think that anyone is packaging the gems of, like, our potential as parents, as lovers, the way that you are. And we spoke, how many years ago? It was pre pandemic. When I first, um, we first did the performance program, you came so generously. And since then, from then to now, I watch you give and give and give. And, and I watch people receive it and you're, like, the message I feel like is getting heard. And it's, people are hungry for it. Do you find that? [00:01:45] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I do feel people are hungry. And I think what you're speaking to is that they're hungry. for somebody or a message that isn't canned or packaged or contrived. And something that takes them out of their bloody big ego, you know? Otherwise, every other message is somehow connected to their ego. Straight to it. You know, look younger, look fitter, look skinnier, which are beautiful messages. But they keep us kind of, oh, you know, in that cycle. [00:02:21] Tracy Anderson: It's that sucker for marketing that we all were programmed to become. And then when you're really a teacher or a seeker of something much more mystical, if you will, or deeply meaningful or human, it's a tough thing. We were just talking before how it's a difficult thing to want your work. It's really hard to be part of your gift in a community, like you want your gifts to contribute to the community without any of that. [00:02:50] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yep, it's really hard. It's really hard to stay in integrity and not allow culture's seduction to pollute, to contaminate, to manipulate. Who we are, and I've had to fight that as well. [00:03:08] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, you know, I have too. [00:03:10] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, [00:03:10] Tracy Anderson: yeah. [00:03:11] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: It comes sucking you, you know, come, come, come to the other side. And then you see the others on the other side and you're like, Oh, they look so pretty. I want some of that. But if it's not aligning and I, and I always come back to that, but Who am I? And what is my message? And part of that is being disciplined. You know, you have to learn to say no to all the trinkets and the baubles and stay really deep and true. [00:03:38] Tracy Anderson: You have to learn to, I think, feel your own nature, like, and your own, the word balance is so, it's used and misused and overused so grossly today, but it's an important word. And, and, and one of the things that first attracted me to you was your message on parenting. I'm a mom, I have a 25 year old and an 11 year old, and I found that when I heard your message on parenting, that a lot of what my oldest, my son, would say to me. Um, was a lot of what you were saying to parents, but I heard it also in him where we tried to love, love, love on them and give them this and, and, and be so in their world in a way that kind of robs them from their own world. [00:04:31] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Right? Oh my God. Absolutely. So my message for those who don't know is about, in conscious parenting is really. It's kind of contrary to what we were raised in. So the traditional parenting model that we were all infected by. [00:04:48] Tracy Anderson: Infected by is so perfectly put, bless our parents hearts. [00:04:52] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, bless them, because they were infected by the same indoctrination. [00:04:57] Tracy Anderson: Exactly. [00:04:57] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So that, that big, you know, mess that we inherited really was a model based on separation, hierarchy, dominance, manipulation, chaos, fear, shame, guilt. Blame a lot of punition, a lot of, you know, finger pointing, and you will do as I say, or so imagine, right, we were all raised by that deep abiding sense of if I don't conform, if I don't wear the mask, yeah, if I don't put on the show, if I don't grandstand and bow down. To the great leaders, which are, which are my parents, then I will pay a price. [00:05:36] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:05:37] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So the conscious parenting model, [00:05:38] Tracy Anderson: which could be love, security, [00:05:40] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: worth, belonging, [00:05:41] Tracy Anderson: even though they wrapped all that up in love, [00:05:46] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I tell people, don't use the word love. We have so polluted that word and mutated it, you know, call it attachment. We're attached, deeply attached. And we are enmeshed and we're deeply needy and we're possessive and we're controlling, but no parent likes to hear all this. They're like, no, we love our children. And then I say to them, but love in its essence is trusting. It's expansive It's limitless. It's freeing. Your child doesn't feel any of that. [00:06:13] Tracy Anderson: I know. [00:06:14] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So the conscious parenting model tries to help the parents see their bullshit in a gentle, compassionate way and how it is that we're imposing our garbage on our children and how that is, like you said, robbing them of their self sovereignty, of their self governance. We in the name of love, in the name of deep care, we are infusing them with conditionality, with fear and with the confines of our own very desperate egos. [00:06:44] Tracy Anderson: It's such an important message. When did you decide to dedicate all that you knew as a, you're a practicing psychologist, right? Psychiatrist, psychologist, practicing psychologist. When did you say, I'm going to pause this and I'm going to focus on reaching as many parents as I can, because if I can reach as many parents as I can and change this misidentification of what parenting, good parenting looks like. I can save the next generation's souls. [00:07:18] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, well I don't have such a big vision. [00:07:21] Tracy Anderson: In my mind, that's what you said. I feel like you are saving. I feel like even in my own. I feel like much of your advice that I chose to take Has helped me have my, my biggest growth steps with both of my children. [00:07:39] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And it's my greatest humility to receive that and my joy that I get to do this. So I am, I haven't paused my psychological practice. I have a full practice. And I keep that because my clients keep me on the ground. Keep me humble. Keep me connected. I know what's happening. I know what families are facing. [00:08:00] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, [00:08:01] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: without my real life clients, I wouldn't be as effective in my lane. [00:08:06] Tracy Anderson: I'm the same. [00:08:06] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah. [00:08:07] Tracy Anderson: I will never stop teaching. Yes. [00:08:08] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yes. [00:08:09] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:08:09] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Being a teacher is what we are. [00:08:11] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:08:11] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: At our core. Yeah. We are teachers and the best teachers are the best students. Best students. So I must be, you and I as the best students. [00:08:18] Tracy Anderson: I can't do what I do if I don't learn myself. No way. [00:08:21] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Exactly. So as long as I keep that as the fulcrum. I don't get a big ego. I don't lose my way because I'm just a meager student, you know, um, with a big mouth, [00:08:32] Tracy Anderson: a student and a contributor. [00:08:33] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In service of the message. Um, so I, I really began this because client after client in their thirties, in their sixties, I'm seeing the successful corporate CEO, the successful lawyer. [00:08:49] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:08:49] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: All of them crumbling to their knees because, you know, mommy didn't say this to me or I don't feel seen by my daddy, you know, it's just comes down to the same core essential needs, right? Do you see me? Do you hear me? Am I valid? Am I worthy? Um, so I began to understand very early on that, damn, these first seven years of Childhood are the key and your entire next 70 years is unlocking [00:09:19] Tracy Anderson: Those seven years. And there's a closure at seven, right? Isn't there some kind of brain or emotional closure? [00:09:26] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I think emotionally we go out into the world. I think we more go out into the world. So it's that very precious treasure filled time where the parent can really screw it up. [00:09:37] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. It's true. [00:09:39] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Where they're very absorbent. And if you haven't parented them enough, so they go out into the world really swiss cheese, full of holes, ready to be influenced, right? [00:09:49] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:09:49] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: You can turn them, ply them into any shape of the culture's making. [00:09:55] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:09:55] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So you want to kind of fill them with a foundational grip that holds on to who it is they are. But for the most part, we parents don't have that within ourselves. [00:10:07] Tracy Anderson: No, true. [00:10:07] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So, we are flailing, we lose out on those first six, seven years, and our children go out lost at sea. [00:10:14] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, [00:10:14] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: just like we are. So with compassion, this is not to blame parents. This is not to act like I'm some superior parent. In fact, my greatest push to conscious parenting came because I saw my own ego and I'm not afraid to talk about it It's just that I [00:10:31] Tracy Anderson: We all have it. [00:10:32] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: We have it right now, today. Right now I saw my ego. Today you will see your ego. So to act like we don't have one is the biggest ego. [00:10:40] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:10:41] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And the biggest delusion. Right. So I'm always humbled by my ego. But I, the only difference between me and someone else Is that I'm not afraid to call it and [00:10:52] Tracy Anderson: what it is, [00:10:52] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: what it is, [00:10:53] Tracy Anderson: identify it, [00:10:54] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: identify it. [00:10:54] Tracy Anderson: Hey girl, you need to calm down over there. [00:11:00] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: But I'm not afraid to see it. And then as I do in all my books, I teach people now, what do you do once you've seen it? Well, the ego is here to protect. You know, our desperate little selves that we left behind in childhood. And it's a call to return, to re parent that self that was never parented. So this whole model kind of became very clear to me when I saw my own broken self trying to, you know, be a righteous parent and failing miserably. And I didn't like who I was. I didn't like being controlling and fixated and yelling. But that's the those were the only tools I had. [00:11:41] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, [00:11:41] SHEFALI ALT: and most parents only they look in their back pocket 'Oh, control.' [00:11:45] Tracy Anderson: I feel [00:11:45] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: anger. [00:11:46] Tracy Anderson: Yeah [00:11:46] SHEFALI ALT: shame. That's all we have. [00:11:48] Tracy Anderson: And it's also like I need to get my child to do these things and these things aren't working. So now I'm now I'm angry or now I'm this and I'm gonna try that,do you think that, that this work on self as a parent should happen quietly, like where your child doesn't realize that you're studying with Dr. Shefali, like, secretly, you know, that it, because I also find that Isn't it the ego that wants to say what they're learning, you know, or oh, I mean, I feel like I've watched adults as a child growing up where it's like, Oh, your parent is in that phase now, or they're doing that thing now, okay, or like it which book you have a new book out, correct? [00:12:32] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yes. It's called The Parenting Map. [00:12:34] Tracy Anderson: The Parenting Map. Great. I mean, how much more clear we can all put our Dora the Explorer backpacks on and like, go become better, better parents. Yeah, no one's told, but I like that map because it's a real step by step guide, right? But your first book, The Conscious Parent, is such a beautiful book. It's a breakthrough. [00:12:56] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And I didn't write it for it to be a breakthrough. I had never fancied that this would a movement now. And it's so heartwarming that conscious parenting is now a thing. [00:13:08] TRACY ALT: Yes. [00:13:08] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: People understand it. They are not afraid to say that was my ego. Now parents can say it with courage and own it. [00:13:16] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:13:17] SHEFALI ALT: That was my mission. And I remember when I started Uh, it was so daunting because no one is more defensive than the parent. Our entire identity is wrapped in how our children are, which is the problem. [00:13:29] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:13:30] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: We need to have our own identity without our children being the definition of who we are. [00:13:34] Tracy Anderson: Absolutely. [00:13:35] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Um, but when I first began telling parents, you know, I got a lot of pushback. I mean, I still get pushback. But I got major pushback back then and not more than five or ten people read my book like I think for at least the whole year. [00:13:49] Tracy Anderson: Oh my gosh. [00:13:49] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Um, but parent by parent, mother by mother really, this is a revolution of mothers, began to dare to go, is she saying something that is kind of true? [00:14:00] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, [00:14:01] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I need to hear this. So I got ten brave mothers. [00:14:04] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:14:04] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Who then told another ten. [00:14:06] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:14:06] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Slowly this moved forward. And I want people who are listening to understand that your success or my success is really paved in very tiny incremental moments. [00:14:18] TRACY ALT: Absolutely. [00:14:19] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: You know, and it doesn't just blow up. [00:14:21] Tracy Anderson: But also it's a return. I think we have something in common where with my work or with your work. It's something that is written in us, naturally. It's like part of our primal information that we're born with. It is the systems that have knocked it out of us, right? So, when I came out with my way of moving years ago, people were like, why does she have these tiny weights? What is she doing flinging around? Why are we learning new choreography every single week? I'm like, why is this so dynamic? Why are you not instructing me with your mouth? And telling me where to put my body. And I'm like, actually, because your body knows you have so much more power in your body. You mean to tell me you don't know how to lunge? You know how to lunge. Come on, you can do these things and you can be more dynamic and you can use more systems in yourself. It wasn't that I was writing some new code. I was just returning to us. And I think in so many ways, what your first book did for me was say like, gosh, none of this feels real natural to me anyway. But what she's saying. Sounds really natural to me. Like the way that we should be [00:15:24] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: is so obvious to you, because that's what you mean, that the way you teach movement is so organic, authentic, the way we should have been doing it all along. [00:15:34] Tracy Anderson: Yes. The same way we did do it running through the woods. [00:15:39] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So in terms of conscious parenting, I teach parents that all this extra nonsense that you are so stressed about is all non essential. Yeah. We have attached to it as if it's important. Correct. And when you go back to the basics, to that this is a life that we get to live, one life in this body, to express it. However, we authentically need to, even if it's contrary to culture's hallmarks for happiness and success and achievement. And if we can just keep it that simple, your child is a superstar already. But when you add labels, when you say you need to be, you know, a very good Catholic girl or very good soccer player or any label, any, any label, now you've attached something that is beyond the authentic essence, and now there's a chance it's going to backfire because it's not who they authentically are. They're carrying it. [00:16:36] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. And now it's artificial. Then they're carrying your expectation of what their potential might be. They're carrying your dreams. They're carrying [00:16:47] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Unmet fantasies. [00:16:48] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:16:48] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Expectations. What culture wants. What If I just said, a good girl, you have an idea of what that looks like, you have an idea of what that looks like. Or perfection. You know, I would like a perfect child. I don't know what that means. So as your child, now I'm like, Okay, Mommy, is this good enough? Should I curl my hair more? Maybe I need to lose more weight. What will make you feel I am perfect? I'm abducting my authentic core from my being. I'm like saying, go away, you know, I'm, I'm leaving you, I'm abandoning you. And I'm going to now listen to my mother's idea of perfection or my father's idea of success. [00:17:31] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:17:31] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And I'm now going to be void to my own knowing. And then when we're 40 years old. We are lost at sea. Now we've had a couple of marriages, 10 children, you know what I mean, a whole career. [00:17:44] Tracy Anderson: Or the one marriage we don't want to be in, or whatever. [00:17:47] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: How did I get here? How did I get here? Oh, we got here through a methodical, sequenced, precise, precisely executed abandonment of the soul. [00:17:59] Tracy Anderson: Oh, and the map. Does that teach us how to find our soul? [00:18:03] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yes, to go back home. [00:18:04] Tracy Anderson: To go back home. [00:18:05] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah. [00:18:06] Tracy Anderson: I love that, that's so beautiful. But the parents have to go back home first. [00:18:10] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yes. [00:18:11] Tracy Anderson: To make sure that the child doesn't ever separate from their home. [00:18:14] SHEFALI ALT: Exactly the child is never lost. [00:18:15] TRACY ALT: This is highly preventative. This book would be very preventative, [00:18:19] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Right, but of course the parent typically will only pick it up when they're in the hell zone of parenting. [00:18:24] Tracy Anderson: They're like, oh no, my child slams the door and doesn't speak to me and it really isn't that dissimilar to the movement because when you watch a young child moving, they're not judging themselves. They're moving free with curiosity, with adrenaline, with dynamic, with unstructured movement. And, and it's the system that starts to tell you and parents also, they put their kids in, in all these classes. So young that are telling the child, 'This is how you move.' [00:18:54] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, [00:18:54] Tracy Anderson: 'This is first position' or 'this is a turn' and and they're correcting them and correcting them. So for for a Penny or Penny is like 'thanks mom, no, I'm like catching up because I do actually want to dance.' But I wouldn't put her in anything young because I was like 'no you move you, I'll put on music, I'll follow you, you just move.' Because I think it's so important that you've got that small window of time, that one to seven [00:19:19] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: To be free, [00:19:20] Tracy Anderson: to make sure that, yeah, [00:19:22] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: unconditioned, unconditioned by culture. You know, I write in one of my books that my daughter was eight years old, and I took her for a structured dance class. [00:19:31] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:19:31] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And I was told, 'oh, it's too late. She'll have to be with the three year old.' [00:19:35] Tracy Anderson: Oh, see, I disagree with them. You did the right thing. [00:19:38] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Right, of course. [00:19:39] Tracy Anderson: She'll have to be with the three year olds. [00:19:40] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I was like, why didn't I get the letter? I was like, does everybody know this? That you're supposed to put your kids at the age of three? [00:19:46] Tracy Anderson: No, no, no, you did it right. [00:19:48] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I know. But this is what we're up against, a highly codified, instructed, conditioned system that bases who you are on the external. So no wonder now when we're in our 30s, 40s, 50s. We, we base our entire world on the selfie, on how culture looks at us, on how many likes we get. Because our whole worth has been based on this from a young age. So this is the danger and it's a toxic message that parents need to unlearn in their own lives. The, the separation of their worth from the external. That is the key. [00:20:26] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:20:26] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Your worth has to be defined by yourself. [00:20:28] Tracy Anderson: How do parents today? They're going to have to go the extra 10, 000 miles because we are in this very connected world of media where we all have a platform if we choose, and most people have them. And if you're a parent, and I see this a lot all over the place, you're sharing your parenting journey. on your station. Even if you think your station is just friends and family, or even if it's private, for just a group of people, we, we aren't, I mean, we're evolving, but evolving just means changing. It doesn't necessarily mean we're getting better. So, how today, what do you think is an appropriate amount of sharing your child on social media? [00:21:19] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Zero. [00:21:20] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:21:21] SHEFALI ALT: What reason does your child need to be on social media right except for your own fancy, right? You've decided they're cute and you they should be shared. Well, every child is cute for the most part and but they didn't ask they didn't consent to be shared in this exhibitionistic, exaggerated show-off grandstanding way. Now parents would say 'oh' [00:21:46] Tracy Anderson: Look at this beautiful woman. I just want everyone. This is a tough This is a tough pill to swallow and I, and I feel for a lot of women out there, I'm sure that, that parents in general, you had a real reaction to that 'zero.' Right? I don't know what camera is going to get this home better, but what is the feeling if it's boiling up in some parent that shares their child a lot right now that is like [00:22:10] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, and [00:22:11] Tracy Anderson: What do we tell them to do right now? Because it's not you, you're helping them. [00:22:14] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And just with the message, they can just take a pause, and just hear me, hear it out, and ask yourself if this resonates with you. [00:22:22] Tracy Anderson: Yes [00:22:22] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Find out why is she saying that? Why is it triggering me right now? So the reason why I don't I don't agree with children being, you know, on exhibition is [00:22:33] Tracy Anderson: on someone else's channel [00:22:34] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: on any channel is because they do not give consent. Now, a parent will say, but my child loves it. She says, put it on mommy. The child doesn't know consent. Just like now, this is going to really poke your listeners, but go with me. Just like a person who's a bit too intoxicated, cannot give sexual consent. [00:22:59] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:23:00] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: A child cannot give, give this kind of social consent. It cannot, it doesn't understand. [00:23:06] Tracy Anderson: But their brain also only has a small spotlight. [00:23:08] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, it doesn't understand what this means. So even if your child is begging you crying, please put me on social media. I love it! You as a parent needs to understand that they don't know what they are consenting to, therefore they are not giving consent and even after 18, of course after 18, it's up to them. But [00:23:27] Tracy Anderson: Right [00:23:28] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: But you got to hold back and this is the task of the modern parent and is it difficult? Yes. Is it tempting? You have the cutest child. She's so talented. [00:23:38] Tracy Anderson: Well, there are parents that don't even think they're good parents if they don't celebrate their child's birthday on social media today. [00:23:43] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, and you know, let me tell you that if your child, say your child protests, you know, you know, mommy, everybody's parents said happy daughter's day and you're the only one because I don't do that. Yeah, um, you can come back and say that's okay because I don't need to put my life up for social display. And, and let me tell you what is the benefit of this. The, you may lose out in the moment, you may appear to lose out in the moment, but let me tell you what you're teaching yourself and your children is that your worth will not be up for sale to the world for cheap. People who want to be in your life are going to have to earn their place in. And you can share your darling's talents on your little WhatsApp group with your grandmother and your five cousins who have earned their right in your life. Now, when you live your life by this principle, it's not just social media we're talking about. It's a whole life principle where you're not selling yourself and the freedom that comes with that decision, that No, we don't do that because our life is not for display, is a freedom that is so, uh, undeniable and deep and profound that people need to try to realize what I'm talking about. Because when you do do the other part, meaning put your life on display, you may think it's so innocuous. Oh, I, people love it. People, I'm bringing joy. But you are also, without realizing, insidiously, so deeply now enmeshed with that. You're checking, you're scrolling, you're getting ads, you're wondering, you're thinking about your outfit. And let me ask you, which child really can live a childhood with a camera on them the whole time? [00:25:30] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:25:30] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: That is not normal. So we are, we have to confront these truths. [00:25:34] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, I think your core values have to be like, if health is one of them, these are all the things. If it is to have a house full of harmony and meaning and memory. Um, and depth, you know, it's important and I do think that the things in my memory that are the most precious are like running in the field or having my mom walk me through the garden and tell me what a forget me not is or a, you know, daffodil is. And I, I try and imagine what it would be like. Being a child today when my memory is my mom walking me through my Instagram grid and that Fucking terrifies me, right? It terrifies me. I'm like, no, no, no, no, it can't be that right or I went on that walk and I was being recorded [00:26:23] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I was being recorded and then we got followers and then you remember that day when we lost our Instagram account like that Oh my god [00:26:31] Tracy Anderson: If I lost that and my children watched me cry about it, I would be ashamed. I would have taught them nothing of importance, right? We have to talk about this. Yes. We really do. [00:26:44] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah. And I, and I'm, and I'm asking the parent to raise themselves up. Yeah. Ask these tough questions because our children deserve parents who do not fall for this game. [00:26:55] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:26:56] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Of the social seduction. [00:26:57] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:26:58] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And, and they need to come to us. [00:27:00] Tracy Anderson: Or make them a part of your brand. [00:27:01] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: No. [00:27:02] Tracy Anderson: I see it all the time. Like the children are a part of their brand. [00:27:07] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, [00:27:07] Tracy Anderson: and I don't yeah, I don't do that. [00:27:10] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, [00:27:10] Tracy Anderson: it was right around the same time that I met you I met Leah Plunkett who wrote the book Sharenting and she was an attorney who cares about how all of this digital Information is affecting our children and can later on really affect them and I asked her I'm like What do you think the right amount is and she said well remember we used to send a holiday card once a year with a family photo Like, once a year or something, or something like that. Maybe, but, shoot. [00:27:39] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So let me tell you the other side, though. So, here we are, we're posting our fabulous life, with a talented child, and the big mansion, and the Gardenias and the Bentley. Okay. Our perfect makeup, our perfect makeup, our trip to, you know, I dunno, [00:27:52] Tracy Anderson: Timbuktu, I don't know either. I didn't go, I didn't go on any holidays this summer. I worked all summer. [00:27:57] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Timbuktu. Okay, here's the thing. We have to also take responsibility, at least have the awareness. Do you know what it's causing in the person sitting at home in their boxer shorts with no one to talk to? You know that is for me like so many times I want to share yeah that I'm with this inside these turquoise waters swimming with the dolphins But I think of the man or the woman all alone at home Yeah, who's just been fired from their job, right? You know husband just left them and I'm that I am NOT gonna rub salt on this wound This is my personal business. They don't need to feel worse about themselves. And we've created a culture of such narcissistic indulgence. See me, see me, see me. Do you see me? Am I good enough? Look, I'm better than you. Right? And it's filtered, it's artificial, it's a lie. But the poison that it creates in the person who's desperate sitting at home, that is something I will not participate in. Even though I'm like [00:28:53] Tracy Anderson: It's such a small percentage of people that follow people that could even begin to go on some of these, like, like a boat in Europe for a month. [00:29:03] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I think it's irresponsible of us, and at least us out there who are leaders in the field of transformation. You know, we have to really take it as a moral impetus to, to not engage. To just look better because, you know, we may get a few more likes, but for me, it's what am I creating out in the world? What reverberation? Right. What image? What am I saying to people out there that fancy holidays is the answer, right? That's why they're miserable in the first place because they've bought into that. So I'm not going to stroke that more. Yeah. I'm going to tell them, no, where you are is good enough. Right. You are good as you are. Right. And that's why I try. As best I can to show up, you know, without makeup and looking, you know, sweaty, or I try my best to look as basic as my ego will allow, right? [00:29:52] Tracy Anderson: Well, first of all, there's nothing basic about you, but, but we all wish we looked like Dr. Shefali without makeup on, but, but I have to say as a follower of yours, I appreciate that your moments on the social media channel are Um, something that is a small glimpse that somebody can get into your entire world that you're dedicated to. to serve them, right? So it can be a small thing that resonates when you're scrolling, but you like, it's almost like you're reaching your hand out like here, if you're feeling this way or if these things come along, I have an education for you to consider. Yes. And I think it's a challenge to a lot of these people who have platforms and followers to say, look, if you, if you have, if it's a portal into. You developing your own potential as a person to contribute to a community with whatever gifts you have then Great, but, but I, I'm challenging with them along with you do it for yourself and nobody else has to be involved, right? [00:31:07] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yes. [00:31:07] Tracy Anderson: But what are you offering on the other side of that post? [00:31:10] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Exactly. So it's deep intention. So even if I'm selling a program, right, I have to sell, you have to sell. No problem. But I will make sure that the first half of it, or at least 75 percent of that sale will be, I'm giving you, you know, and I won't go on there. [00:31:28] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. Just to take No, you always give something to think about. [00:31:31] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: You know, I would first give you something and then you can tune me out when it comes to the sales. Right? [00:31:35] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:31:35] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I will always come with the intention that first I serve. Yeah. First, I'm a servant. First. I'm a giver. [00:31:41] Tracy Anderson: Yes, [00:31:41] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: then I'll do the marketing, you know, uh, and [00:31:45] Tracy Anderson: you have real programs. Like, that's the thing is like, I may be like, okay, you want to see what abs, my leg series do. Here you go, but come and do the leg series because it'll help your whole health. Right. Right. No, I understand. And, [00:31:55] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: and never losing sight of that, I think has worked for both you and me. [00:31:59] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:31:59] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And, and the reason I say it's worked is because look at you and look at me. We're glowing. We're excited. We're happy. [00:32:05] Tracy Anderson: Happy. [00:32:06] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: That's the work. That's the success. [00:32:08] Tracy Anderson: Yes. Yes. [00:32:08] SHEFALI ALT: The success is because when I see you, I see a real human being. [00:32:12] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:32:12] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I see a woman who wants to uphold me and I want to uphold you. [00:32:16] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:32:17] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: We haven't lost this heart connection. [00:32:18] Tracy Anderson: No, no, no. [00:32:19] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: That's how, that's how we know it's working. [00:32:21] Tracy Anderson: Yes. I agree. Can you tell me a little bit about your courses? Because that was something new, like I wanted to go take a course, I was like, this is so cool. The seminars that you're doing, can you talk a little bit about them? Because anybody can go to them, right? [00:32:35] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yes, I have my in person summit, and I do one a year. And that's when people come, they make the effort to voyage, to journey. [00:32:44] Tracy Anderson: I do them, I did two this summer in the Hamptons. [00:32:46] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: That's key, that's key. So people come and then they spend three, four days with me, and we go really deep into pattern disruption and changing your cultural conditioning and divesting of the ego. It's profound. Um, but then I have many courses online. I have relationship courses, many parenting courses, and then I have a coaching institute. So I started a coaching institute. So that people can learn. Learn to do, to be like me. [00:33:09] Tracy Anderson: I love that. [00:33:10] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yes. First I was so nervous because I was in my ego. Yeah. Oh. How can they be like me, you know, Oh, they haven't gone to Columbia. Yeah. And that was a whole lot of bullshit. Yeah. It was my ego tripping in fear and lack. [00:33:24] Tracy Anderson: Ego tripping. Please make a t shirt. I'm sure there, there's tripping t shirts, but how about ego tripping t shirts? That's great. So once I, my ego was tripping, my ego was tripping. [00:33:35] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So once I let go of that, I opened up the doors, I trained people. Now we have over 300 coaches out there in the world. [00:33:43] Tracy Anderson: That's amazing. [00:33:43] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: It's my 10th cohort, and every cohort is 150 to 200 people minimum, so I have so many people out there all over the globe doing this work now of conscious living, conscious parenting, deconstructing cultural paradigms, challenging the matrix, and helping children flourish. [00:34:01] Tracy Anderson: But this is going to be the way that school systems, public school systems. If you get one consciously trained parent in a public school system that gets involved, you're going to change an entire, like so many souls of the kids because we've lost our way completely. And now we're being really extra challenged. I think today is a very. I mean, I always think that like at every time period it must have felt polarizing in some way, but today this moment that we're in feels very You know, like people are not leading with their hearts. Yeah, they're not leading with their consciousness Yeah, there's a lot of fear and constriction and bad parenting out there in adult form. [00:34:47] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah what's happening today, tracy is so You know, I don't want to be a pessimist, but it's not about optimism or pessimism. It's about pragmatism and realism. [00:34:59] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:34:59] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So the reality we're in today is not a good one. [00:35:03] Tracy Anderson: It's not [00:35:03] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: because we're not connected. We're disconnected. We're becoming more indulgent. We're not moving, we're not speaking to each other, we're hiding behind this virtual reality in our little bubbles, customizing every single thing from our menus to our Netflix to our, everything is tailored. Now, there's a sickness there because it strokes the individual ego so much more, right? Everything is personal now. We're not forced to share. We're not forced to wait, right? We're not forced to be delayed in our impulse gratification. That's so true. So it's instant, addictive, impulsive, entitled. [00:35:46] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:35:47] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And then we're angry with our children. It's not our children's fault. We have given them all this technology. [00:35:52] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:35:52] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And it's dehumanizing us, I think. Uh, in fact, I know, and with the advent of AI and everybody's like, Oh, AI, AI, uh huh. It is going to be the end of the end. [00:36:04] Tracy Anderson: It's going to be terrifying. And our creativity, [00:36:07] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Our creativity, why would I want to press a button and have a novel be written? [00:36:12] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:36:12] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Where will the real artists go? [00:36:14] Tracy Anderson: I know. [00:36:15] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Right. What is, what a sad thing. Because what makes us. So unique is our process to creativity, the process to creativity, and to rob ourselves of process. Why are we here? To have ten books? I mean, that's not the point of a life. The point is to go through the process. [00:36:34] Tracy Anderson: And we're just going to be regurgitating very shallow things, you know? I mean, I just think of, like, poets like Mary Oliver, who I love so much, and I think, like, oh my gosh. Her poems make, you know, my soul dance, you know, make me, like, I can, and, and I loved her, um, I get criticized sometimes because I stand at the front of class and I, I look like I'm just doing it for me. You know, people say, Oh, you look like you're just looking at yourself, and you're only doing this for you. And I'm like, well, she, she wrote how she wrote her poem from the I perspective, right? And she said that she was criticized because someone was like, Oh, well, that's very, kind of very egocentric. But, but her response and her risk that she took in that was that, No, I just am humbled to that somebody else might see a flower in the same way. So she wanted the reader when they were reading it to think of themselves as the I and I'm trying to do that same thing where I'm like no No, I'm moving in here for myself. I want you to do that Yeah for yourself and I don't want to be in your space and I don't want you in my space I want you more in your yourself. So yeah, I do think when people are looking at other people's lives or worlds or trying to subscribe to the parenting model or the perfect life model or the perfect relationship like I am supposed to look sexy for my partner or this or that Or do we have to do date night or else? It's gonna all unravel or something like that that they're not in themselves, they're out in the formula. [00:38:08] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Oh 100 percent and and that's what we are trying to. Get people away from in, in the consciousness movement, but the, the stream is working against us because now we're actually conforming more. Do you notice? [00:38:22] Tracy Anderson: It feels like we're conforming. [00:38:24] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Women looking more and more the same. [00:38:26] Tracy Anderson: But now I'm also scared by how they're all cooking in the kitchen looking hot. And I'm like, wait, don't put us back in the kitchen looking hot. What are you doing? Put him in the kitchen. I'm just kidding, [00:38:38] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: But it's becoming more conforming. [00:38:39] Tracy Anderson: Yes, it is [00:38:40] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Not less conforming. [00:38:41] Tracy Anderson: It is. [00:38:42] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So, you know, again, because the underlying formula underneath all social media is Instant gratification, validation from the external world, and selling yourself for the money. So at the end it's the same formula, just a new platform, right? And each iteration of the same formula becomes more and more dehumanizing. We've left our little tribes, right? We left Africa, then we left the tribe, we left the community, we left the, the joint system. Mm-Hmm. to more and more of living in isolation. Materialism, materialism, cocooned away from life. [00:39:20] TRACY ALT: Yeah. [00:39:21] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And, uh, technology is making it more and more artificial like now. And very soon, we will barely know what is real and what is fake. We already cannot tell [00:39:32] Tracy Anderson: I know [00:39:33] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: who looks real and who looks fake. [00:39:34] Tracy Anderson: Right? Because a lot of real people look so fake too, that the fake ones look like, Oh, well, that looks like that person I know has a heartbeat, but they look so fake that I know. But that makes me, doesn't that, that make you kind of want to age naturally that much more. I mean, you're. And I thought that you were 10 years younger than me, but, but doesn't it kind of make you want to, [00:39:55] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: it makes me want to [00:39:56] Tracy Anderson: really be careful. Yeah. It makes me want to be careful and conservative [00:40:00] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: With every decision. [00:40:01] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:40:01] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Even more. [00:40:02] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:40:03] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Checking my decisions because I'm seeing the power. That's a good way to put it. Checking and the parody now that women have created around their beauty. I mean, we've become a parody. I mean, it's not, it's. It's laughable [00:40:15] TRACY ALT: right. [00:40:16] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: That we're all following the same change. [00:40:17] Tracy Anderson: We will never see you do a makeup tutorial, right? [00:40:19] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: No. You will never see me do a makeup [00:40:21] Tracy Anderson: I know tutorial. Thank you [00:40:23] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: at all because I, you know, even when I put makeup, uh, I have to ask myself, how much are you putting? Why are you doing this? You know, how good do you feel you need to look. [00:40:34] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:40:34] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And I'm checking, you know, [00:40:36] Tracy Anderson: yeah. [00:40:36] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: you know, I don't get a makeup artist many, many times. [00:40:39] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:40:39] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And I do my own. crappy makeup. [00:40:41] Tracy Anderson: No, you look great. [00:40:42] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Because I want to stay at least as real to myself as possible. And, uh, there's a beauty there. And I think when, when women sell out for the commercial look, they are actually just really abandoning themselves. [00:40:59] Tracy Anderson: And how does this topic move into your relationship courses? Because your relationship courses to me are so intriguing. [00:41:09] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, [00:41:09] Tracy Anderson: because I do think that women are confused about what is actually sexy to a properly wired partner that is in their primal, still essence. Because I only want to be with someone who is in their primal, like, you know, essence. [00:41:31] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah. Most of us have lost that, so we don't know what is, you know, so in terms of relationships I wrote this book called A Radical Awakening when I went through my radical awakening when I went through a divorce, right? And how I re understood notions of femininity and masculinity and what is the patriarchy and what is the toxic patriarchy. So I talk about that a lot of my book and people are confused. You know, there's nothing What's really per se wrong with a patriarchy or a matriarchy, what's wrong is when either one can become toxic. So we shouldn't just call everything, you know, and blame everything on the toxic patriarchy. [00:42:11] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:42:12] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Because there's a very big toxic femininity here too, and a toxic energy from women here too. We are part of this. And I talk about how we women co create very often, unwillingly and unwittingly, our own encagement. [00:42:27] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:42:27] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: You know, we're not just hapless sitting here, you know, [00:42:30] TRACY ALT: Right. [00:42:30] SHEFALI ALT: So, um, um, yeah. So my relationship courses really help each party to understand their radical co-creation. No one is a victim, per se, unless of course you're a victim of domestic abuse. [00:42:45] Tracy Anderson: Yes, we're not talking about special circumstances. [00:42:48] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: We're talking about simply the victim mentality, the victim story. [00:42:52] Tracy Anderson: Or becoming just unhappy and to where you're not communicating and you're not connecting anymore. Because when you're first connecting with someone and there's all that kind of raw passion that's still natural inside of us, And then the systems become a part of your relationship and then all of a sudden that rawness is not, it happens so much to so many. [00:43:17] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Well, that, that first instant chemistry is really just our chemicals talking to each other. [00:43:23] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:43:24] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And we have to go through that phase, and that's when we, after that phase, we hit the ground, right? And go, oh, you know. Hey. Hey, who are you? Who are you? [00:43:32] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, right. Exactly. Wow, you're just so ordinary. [00:43:34] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: You know. I don't know whether I like you anymore. [00:43:37] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:43:38] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And many of us then go on to the next dopamine hit. [00:43:42] Tracy Anderson: Yes. And we're really dopamine programed. [00:43:44] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Hungry and programmed. [00:43:45] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:43:46] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And and And dopamine is wonderful. [00:43:48] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:43:48] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: But if we keep cycling through, then we become addicts to the next hit. [00:43:52] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:43:52] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And there's a great dopamine hit that can emerge from also being with someone and growing together. [00:43:59] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:43:59] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Although it's less glamorous. Right. [00:44:01] Tracy Anderson: Right. But it can be very healthy. [00:44:03] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: But that is healthy. [00:44:04] Tracy Anderson: That is healthy, yeah. [00:44:05] SHEFALI ALT: Not to stay with someone just because you're with them and that that's not what I'm talking about. [00:44:09] Tracy Anderson: To grow with someone. [00:44:09] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: To grow with someone and try to figure out, well. what's happening here within me and how can I use this? How can I alchemize this for my greater potential? [00:44:20] Tracy Anderson: One of the things that I hope for, um, Penny, my daughter, that in, in, in your teaching about the relationships, is, or any woman, I hope it for any woman. I don't just, look at me, I'm, you're like, be careful there before you put that on Penny to carry. Um, is this, um, Sense of self love and security. I don't need the ring. I don't need to have the kids unless we're having the kids on our growth journey. I don't need the paper. I don't need the perfect hot home. I don't need the formula. Like, you're very strong in that message. Like, come on women. You don't need the fairy, the fairy tale as it's laid out. [00:45:05] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I don't have the marriage anymore. I'm done with that formula. I did it. Tried it. [00:45:09] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:45:09] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I wore it. [00:45:10] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:45:11] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: It was a mask. [00:45:11] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:45:12] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And I took it out. [00:45:13] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:45:13] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Um, so you, you definitely. [00:45:16] Tracy Anderson: I think Goldie Hawn's so cool. She like years ago is like, you know, hello, we don't need the formula. I mean, she's just, and if you even look at her even today and the way that she presents herself, she's just really sexy and free, right? Her energy is sexy and free, but that's a tough thing to. Look, I can name one amazing woman that is like living that, you know, and you on a hand, right? Right. So that, will you just talk a little bit about that for women? [00:45:43] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I think when, when, and if women truly penetrate the matrix. And understand the game that the Matrix plays on them. Oh, they will not subscribe anymore. So I have seen through the game it plays on women like us. And I write about it in that book, A Radical Awakening. So once you see it, you don't subscribe. You're like, okay, you can subscribe and you can subscribe. You know, when I got, when I went through my divorce, women would come to me and go, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm like, uh, I don't know who you're talking to. I'm sorry for yourself. Because no divorced woman is ever sorry. [00:46:21] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, no, no, no. It's true. Like, I mean, I, I've been divorced too. And yeah, [00:46:25] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: you do not go through that. [00:46:26] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:46:26] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: To then be sorry at the end of it. [00:46:28] Tracy Anderson: Right. But my, my first relationship, I was actually sorry, but that was because I was so young when we fell in love and we truly loved each other are because of all the things that you write about the, the, the parenting that both of us had really strong, um, Bacteria in our, in our parenting, um, you know, and, and we didn't have the tools to grow together through that, but our hearts stayed in love always, you know, so we had that conscious uncoupling, but we could have actually not ever uncoupled had we had the tools to understand. That's another reason why I think everything they're bringing forward is so important because if people can work out the tangles or, you know, fix their, their relationship microbiome, right? That then they do, they do that first on the parenting front or the radical awakening, the relationship part, whatever comes, I think. They're both are necessary. [00:47:32] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yes, yes, yes. And, and I think that, you know, this whole idea of finding your soulmate, or you're only complete when you're married. Or, oh, they're not serious about you unless they commit to you with a ring and a marriage and a certificate. [00:47:48] Tracy Anderson: We learned to play that game very young though, as women. [00:47:51] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: We did. We did. [00:47:51] Tracy Anderson: Right? Like if you're not, if you're not going to propose, then if you're not [00:47:55] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: How ridiculous, right? Because that has nothing to do with the formless essence of love. [00:48:00] Tracy Anderson: I've been proposed to nine times. [00:48:02] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, exactly. What does it mean? Yeah. So you're wow. You're so, you're better than everyone else then, according to the, [00:48:08] Tracy Anderson: no, no, no, [00:48:09] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: but according to the story right? You have many more people seriously in you than other people. And it's just a story. Right? It's a story. [00:48:17] Tracy Anderson: It really is a story. [00:48:18] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So what we've done, but what we've done in life is taken all the formless essence. And we've put categories, boxes, institutions, religious, judicial, marriage, divorce, we've titled, labeled, sanctified, valued, rigidified, valued, valued everything with if, then, either, or, good, bad. And life is not that. So when you arrive at a place of freedom. That is when you decodify yourself. You're like, you can do good and bad and you do right and wrong. And like Rumi said, I live beyond that, right? So [00:48:55] Tracy Anderson: I'll meet you in the field, [00:48:56] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: beyond, beyond the duality. Yes. So when you are more evolved, in your healing right? You're not better than anyone just in your own healing. You don't need to do this good and bad. You're not subscribing. You're not looking for validation. I know people project on me and must be thinking, you know, Mmm, she's not married. Mmm, she's so this.. [00:49:20] Tracy Anderson: I could get you nine proposals around this block. I don't think, I don't think you're hurt. [00:49:26] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: But it doesn't even matter to me. [00:49:28] Tracy Anderson: No, I know because you don't. It's so true. [00:49:31] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Don't waste your time on me. [00:49:32] Tracy Anderson: I know. [00:49:33] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: But do something better with your time than waste it on me. [00:49:36] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:49:36] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Because you'll never figure me out. [00:49:37] Tracy Anderson: Yes. [00:49:38] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: So [00:49:38] Tracy Anderson: even the marriage that I'm in today. I viewed the entire process, and we just got married in our garden with our moms, I viewed the entire process as something completely different than I ever did before. Like we chose to do it, but it was from a completely different place. Completely different place. [00:49:56] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yes. Where you're free of injunction. [00:49:58] TRACY ALT: Absolutely. [00:49:59] SHEFALI ALT: Of rules. of ritual, of how it should be, and you are, you know, tailoring it and customizing it to the moment. [00:50:07] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, we're growing together, and that feels really good. Um, I say this a lot, and I want to know how you feel about this. How, because I believe that everything that you do is really part of health. It's just, it's one of the most important things I think that people now are they're making the food lists, they're doing the meditation, they're checking their aura ring for sleep, they're checking like those three boxes a lot, they don't like to check my box a lot because physical exercise is difficult to do, um, and I don't know that they're realizing that your box is really, really important to their health, but I really believe this, and I say that your health can handle the hard truth, it cannot handle lies. And I wanted to know how you felt about that. [00:51:00] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah, I agree. No, I think that one of the greatest, um, the greatest disease in us is to live in suppression of our authentic self. Yeah, you know that can create disease because it it peters out to every relationship. [00:51:20] Tracy Anderson: Yeah [00:51:20] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: with ourselves with each other and then we Contaminate and pollute it all and then it comes reverberates right back to us, right? [00:51:29] SHEFALI ALT: So Michael Beckwith often says that he likes to take an inner shower Before he goes out, right? He does his inner alignment. You get connected, you begin to fall in love with yourself in a very deep way, not in a narcissistic way. [00:51:43] Tracy Anderson: No, no, no. Appreciative. [00:51:45] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: In an appreciative, honoring, celebratory way, when you give yourself that self love, now you don't burden the world with your needs and expectations. And you release your children from ever having to do an iota to make you feel better about yourself. [00:52:04] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, that's really beautiful. I love that. If someone doesn't know who their authentic self is, or they've gotten so far from that, that they're in that robotic system, where should they start? [00:52:17] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Well, first, we never arrive at this place called authentic, absolute truth. It's always a work in progress, right? [00:52:25] Tracy Anderson: Correct. [00:52:25] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: But there are ways to keep arriving at your authentic truth, which has to do with checking in and aligning. So Where do they start? They have to kind of grab onto in, in your work. Where do they start? Well, they have to take, you know, somewhere. That's why I write the books. I do the, [00:52:42] Tracy Anderson: Yes [00:52:42] SHEFALI ALT: the teachings, I give the free meditations, I give the courses, I give the institute somewhere. They have to ask for the teaching. [00:52:51] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:52:51] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: You have to put yourself at the, at the humble threshold of the teaching. [00:52:55] Tracy Anderson: The teaching. Right. And how long do you think it takes? It's to me it's always a practice. So to me, it's not one seminar. [00:53:05] SHEFALI ALT: Yes [00:53:06] Tracy Anderson: It's really because you continue to grow and learn. So if I went to a seminar with you this year is next year the same seminar? [00:53:13] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Oh, absolutely not. Yeah, because you're not the same human, [00:53:16] TRACY ALT: Right [00:53:17] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: even if I was to say the same thing, right? You would come back differently. You know, I practice Vipassana meditation and the videos for the Vipassana meditation. There's no teacher There's only videos right same videos right for years decades. [00:53:32] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, [00:53:32] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: but you know why? [00:53:33] Tracy Anderson: Yeah [00:53:34] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: because the practice gets deeper and deeper and each time you come back to the threshold of the teaching, right? You are different, [00:53:41] Tracy Anderson: Right [00:53:42] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: so I always tell people that there is no repetition and if you're hearing repetition is because you're stuck [00:53:47] Tracy Anderson: Right. [00:53:48] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: You cannot hear the same thing, the same thing in the same way at a different time. [00:53:53] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:53:53] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: You will hear it differently. [00:53:54] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. Yeah. [00:53:55] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: If you've grown, [00:53:56] Tracy Anderson: if you've grown. Yeah. The consciousness is amazing like that and it takes a long time to get to absorption. [00:54:02] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah. Like yours, like your movements. [00:54:04] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:54:04] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Each time you come back. [00:54:05] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:54:06] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: You do it differently. [00:54:07] Tracy Anderson: Yes. Well, but I actually do it differently every single week, but that's only because muscles are different than consciousness. But the, and also the way to get them the way to get to them and to train that neuroplasticity though is to have a new conversation with them each time. But if you come back to a practice like that, you're, you're going to bring forward all of your experience today to it. So, and also like you got to work around a joint differently sometimes so we don't wear those things out. [00:54:39] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And my people, you're right. Don't realize how if you work on your healing and your consciousness and really practice. Some of, say, what I teach or others teach, it can exponentially reverberate throughout your life in a day, like, right away. [00:54:55] Tracy Anderson: Right away, yeah. [00:54:56] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And this is the goldmine, and yet people are not ready for it, because it takes inner work. It takes self accountability. Character. Courage. [00:55:06] Tracy Anderson: You're spectacular. You are. I could talk to you for hours and days. So the new book, The Parenting Map, yes. Yes. [00:55:13] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: And A Radical Awakening.. [00:55:15] Tracy Anderson: And a radical. Yes. Well, they're all phenomenal. They're all phenomenal. Everything that you put forward is phenomenal. And what a great opportunity. How does someone become a coach? [00:55:24] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yes. They look up my institute. It's a five month online program. Okay. And I break it down and you don't have to have any background and I teach you the fundamentals. I really, and I do this because I, I know that every person who comes to my door at least. [00:55:39] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. That's a great thing. [00:55:43] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: I would encourage people to do that. I have a great selection process already. [00:55:46] Tracy Anderson: Yeah. [00:55:46] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Free selection. But yeah, if people want to become a coach and contribute to the world. [00:55:52] Tracy Anderson: But people, a lot of people want to work from home. And, and, and I think that that's something that is, has become sticky through being post pandemic is that. People are really valuing like their time and their space and their, and to be able to have your coaching on their resume as a layer is a beautiful thing. I love it. [00:56:12] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: It's a life changing course [00:56:13] Tracy Anderson: Yeah, and I'm gonna come to one of your seminars. [00:56:15] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: You better. [00:56:16] Tracy Anderson: I really am I'm tempted every time. [00:56:19] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Yeah [00:56:19] Tracy Anderson: Check my schedule. I'm going to that. Thank you. [00:56:23] Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Thank you so much [00:56:24] Tracy Anderson: As always you can find me on Instagram at Tracy Anderson method and on Facebook at If you're interested in learning more about how movement contributes to longevity, meet me at TracyAnderson. com ​